Like I do in so many blogs, I thought I would open this one with some full disclosure.

1. I do not consider myself an “author” as there is nothing in a bound book with my name on it (yet). However, I do consider myself a “writer”.
2. I have read the entire Twilight series. Painfully. It hurt my soul.
3. I actually enjoyed the first book in the Twilight series. There was so much room for conflict and character growth.
4. For the most part, I do not enjoy fan fiction, but I do enjoy the crappy teenage television dramas that a lot of fan fiction is written around. While it may not be my thing, I understand those who are drawn to it. I get it.
5. Bella Swan is the single most annoying character I have ever encountered in a novel.
6. I have read exactly two chapters of Fifty Shades of Grey – both were read with my best friend and we laughed so hard we cried.

With that being said – let’s get to the point here.

Fifty Shades of Grey is the worst thing ever.

There are so many things wrong with this “novel” that I don’t even know where to start. All I know is that this madness cannot continue. I cannot keep seeing it referred to as “saucy” and watch middle aged house wives giggle over. I simply can’t. It hurts my heart to consider myself a “writer” and watch fan fiction spend time at the top of the best seller list.

Oh, yes, kids, this “novel” started as an Edward / Bella Twilight fan fiction. Not only is this a truth proved on the internet but it’s also stated at the very beginning of the publication.

The author published and earlier serialized version of this story online with different characters as “Master of the Universe” under the pseudonym Snowqueen’s Icedragon. (From Fifty Shades of Grey)

So I don’t know if you’re familiar with how fan fiction works – so I’ll give you a basic rundown. Fan fiction is where you take the characters that another person created and write your own story based on those characters. So “Master of the Universe” was an adaptation of Bella / Edward in a different setting.

That’s what fan fiction is for. That’s why it’s been created – to allow for fans to indulge their imagination with characters they love. I don’t like fan fiction but I accept it as a creative outlet.

My problem is that what has happened here that this “author” E.L. James has taken another person’s characters, changed them, and is a best seller. Though I’m sure Stephanie Meyer is self-indulgent enough that she finds this flattering. I would be so pissed off if someone did that with my characters. I think about how I just finished my first novel – an amazing experience that I am so proud of myself for completing. If someone loved my novel enough to want to write their own version of it – okay, whatever, but what I cannot stand for – and would never stand for would be someone making money off their “edits” of my characters.

How do you even think that is okay?

Imagine it on a smaller scale – you publish a blog on a site, someone likes it, takes it, changes some words, and then says hey look everyone. Wouldn’t that piss you off? You’re damn right it would and if you say it wouldn’t you’re (expletives) lying.

This is stealing.

My next reason for why Fifty Shades of Grey is the worst thing ever?

I read a book reviewer who suggested that FSOG could be supported because it was a positive representation of a woman exploring her sexuality and that this book has “helped” a lot of married couples. Um – this is a moronic argument. Why?

Remember that the characters of Anastasia and Christian are Bella & Edward. The character of Bella has been blasted all over the place as being the poster child for a Mary-Sue character and teaching teenage girls the worst lessons possible. Did your boyfriend leave you? Try to kill yourself. Want to land a man? Do whatever he says and he will love you. Just don’t think about what you want and what you need – unless, of course, you need him above all things.

It’s awful. Bella’s boyfriend breaks up with her and what does she do? Sit around for months on end, failing to shower or make contact with the outside world. Because, yes girls, this is what you should do when your high school boyfriend breaks up with you. Don’t forget that once you step outside again, you should immediately try to kill yourself a couple of times just so you can see his face again!! (But that’s a completely different rant – sorry, back on subject here) Since the character of “Ana” is Bella, Fifty Shades of Grey is nothing more than an exploration of an adult relationship between Bella & Edward.

What does that mean?

Well… now Bella—er, Ana, must do everything that Edw—Christian says, just in a much more compromising way. It’s yet another way to show teenage girls that the only way to have and keep a guy is to please him. To do what he wants. To do whatever will make him love you. You wanna talk about a war on women? There’s your war on women.

And to all you mothers out there who will show up with your daughters if this thing gets made into a movie? SHAME ON YOU. When I was a teenager, if my mother had caught me with this kind of smut in my hands, she would have been appalled at what her child was reading. But now, mothers who are desperate to be “cool” like their children, who are more concerned about being their daughters best friends than parenting their child, are eating this s&%* up like it’s candy.

What is wrong with the world of literature when a *(#$%*( fan fiction novel is higher on the New York Times Best Seller list than Stephen King and Nicolas Sparks? (Both of whom I do not enjoy, but at least they can write true flipping fiction!) You are not a great writer EL. You are nothing more than a thief. I never thought there would come a day when I would defend Stephanie Meyer (and while that day may not be today) I will say I think it’s a travesty that you have stolen her characterizations and are now profiting off it.

STOP PRAISING THIS CRAP.

And no, before you even go there – I am not jealous. I am not envious of her (stolen) success. I am not upset that she’s all over the news and I am not.

I would rather remain a “writer” than to be an “author” who is so unoriginal they have to steal someone else’s work.